The Magic Book

I remember when my Dad came home with a Commodore 64 computer.   It was a BIG deal.  It was 1982 and I was 11 years old.  My Dad set it up on a big desk downstairs in our basement.  He taught me some of the BASIC programming. We played tons of cool games on it.  It was exciting.  It was my first baby step into the world of computers and I had no clue where it would lead.

When the Internet popped up, I had just graduated from college.  So I didn’t have the Internet as a major study tool during my college years.  Heck, I didn’t even have a cell phone.  I would take a stack of quarters to the pay phone in our hallway when I wanted to call home.  By my senior year there were computer labs on campus, but I still used the library for my research projects.  We would camp out in study groups and write down information from books and Encyclopedias.  It just seems so arduous compared to today where you can sit with a laptop in your dormroom and Google ”19th century french women poets” or “biology 101 study guide.”

It’s so wild to think that my children will never know a world without cell phones or computers or the Internet.  I try to imagine what THEY will be using as study aids when they are in college.  Will there just be ONE small electronic notebook that is their computer, phone, ID, camera, video camera, calendar, etc.?

The coolest gadget in our house right now is the Apple iPAD.  I bought it for my hubbie for no real reason except that he REALLY wanted it.  And he never really wants anything.  Every birthday and every Father’s Day he gets the same expected polo shirt and spa massage.  He said he would wait a year for the iPad.  He wanted to save up the money.  But I knew I had to buy it for him.  It would ROCK HIS WORLD.

And I was right!

Plus, he shares the whole iPad experience with our kids.  He calls it “The Magic Book.”  Bean and Annabel have read The Cat in the Hat, Winnie the Pooh, and Toy Story on The Magic Book.  They have played PBS Kids games on it.  They have watched videos of themselves.  They have experienced a virtual fishing pond.  

And it’s just the beginning for them.  I guess it’s better to expose them to all this new technology as it happens.  I want them to be computer savvy.  But I still get stomach knots when I think about them on MySpace, or Facebook, or Twitter, or whatever the social marketing outlet will be when they are teenagers. Then there is cyber bullying and “sexting” and identity theft to worry about.

And I’m sure some people out there will think it’s weird (or perhaps wrong) that I write about my children on this website.  It’s a subject that gets talked about A LOT, including here. I do it because I want to remember everything that I experience as a Mom from the exhilarating to the challenging.  I want to remember all the pop culture moments that got me excited, made me laugh, or made me sad.  This website is my personal diary.  It’s part therapy and part virtual scrap book.

I only write down stories and thoughts that I would tell you in person. My husband reads all my entries before I post them.  It’s wonderful for me to share moments with my familiy and relatives who don’t live near me.  I don’t use curse words and that’s my personal decision. 

I write stories about my children so there will be memories for them when they are older.  I don’t write anything that might embarrass them and I never post pictures that might make them uncomfortable in 5 or 10 years.  My goal is to document everything from the major milestones to those tiny moments.  Everything I want to remember. Everything I want to share with my my son and my daughter when they are older.

I want my kiddies to peel through the layers of this website one day so they can learn more about who they were, what they liked, how they changed, how much I loved them.  I want them to learn more about ME and who I was, both as their mom and as a person.  The thought that they can sit down one day with their own kids and read stories that I wrote is something that makes me happy.  It makes me proud. It makes me excited.

I guess, in a way, this mommy blog is MY magic book.  And there are so many more magical chapters to come.

Grateful

I’m been thinking a lot lately about how blessed I am.  I was really emotionally invested in the story of little Layla Grace who lost her battle with pediatric cancer last week.  I just can not imagine losing a child.  I can not imagine not watching my beautiful baby girl grow up.  I try to wrap my head around the idea and it just makes me want to sit in the corner of my closet and cry.  I’ve started exercising, so now these thoughts make me want to go outside for a really, really long walk.  That helps.  I guess I feel guilty too.  I feel guilty that I’m sad when I have nothing to be sad about.

I was watching Giuliana & Bill last night on the Style Network.  I really like their chemistry.  Giuliana is the host of E! News with Ryan Seacrest and she’s fun and cute.  Bill Rancic was the first winner of Donald Trump’s Apprentice and he’s now a traveling public speaker.  They are a great match. 

Last night’s episode featured Giuliana & Bill’s struggle with infertility.  They desperately want to start a family and are having troubles conceiving. They have turned to IUI treatments which have been unsuccessful.  They are now considering the pros and cons of IVF.  It’s been an emotional ride for them and I was surprised how honest and open they are about it all on their show.

It’s hard for me to watch because, again, I can’t IMAGINE what it would be like to want a baby so badly and you just can’t have one.  I can’t imagine the pain they must feel to constantly have negative pregnancy tests.  I feel a little guilty for having been so upset that it took four months to conceive Bean.  I think every couple that starts the pregnancy journey fantasizes about the plus symbol and how they will tell their partner the big news.  You never start the journey wondering how long it will take or if you might have some challenges or if you might not be able to get pregnant at all.

I just feel really grateful. 

I wonder sometimes how I got so lucky.  And I hope I can remember that every single day. Even if it sometimes takes a broken hearted mother’s Twitter account or a celebrity reality show to remind me.

Layla Grace

Beautiful Layla Grace from Houston, Texas lost her courageous battle with pediatric cancer this morning.  She was 2 years old.  I have been following this little angel’s story on twitter (http://twitter.com/LaylaGrace).  Earlier this afternoon her parents wrote:

“Layla went to play with the angels early this morning. Rest in peace precious Layla. 11/26/2007 – 3/9/2010.”

It’s been heartbreaking to follow Layla Grace on Twitter.  I remember when I first saw a celebrity tweet to ”please pray for Layla Grace.”  It was one of a bunch of tweets on my home page that day.  But, for some reason, I clicked over to Layla’s page.  I began to read all the updates from her Mom and Dad.  I read about her story on their website, www.laylagrace.org.  I became so attached to Layla and her family because of their amazing honesty, raw emotion, strength, and spirit.  They let us into their lives.  I saw my daughter in their daughter.  Her big blue eyes.  Her love of pink and the book “Pinkalicious.”  Her love of tutus and flowers.  Her love of Hello Kitty.  Her beautiful smile.  Layla was only 3 months older than my daughter.  

I continued to read their twitter updates, website blog entries, and look at the many photo albums of Layla Grace and her two older sisters.  Every entry would break my heart, but it also inspired me.  Layla inspired me.  She STILL inspires me.  In the simplest of terms she just inspires me to be a better Mom. She reminds me to not let one day go by without telling my kids that I love them.  She inspires me to appreciate each and every moment with my family.  She inspires me to DO something.   I want to help, because right now I just feel helpless.  I want to help raise awareness for this horrible disease.  I want to get involved with my local children’s cancer charity.  I want Layla’s family to know that their daughter made me want to make a difference.

Layla Grace died from Neuroblastoma.  During a radio interview her mother said it is the most common pediatric cancer.  Yet most people still say to her, “What is that?  I’ve never heard of it before.”  I had not heard of it either.  There are about 650 new cases of Neuroblastoma each year in the United States and 50% of those occur in children under the age of two.  And now, because of Layla and her family’s outreach on the Internet, Neuroblastoma has touched my life.  And thousands of others lives too.  She has over 40,000 followers on Twitter alone.

No, I have never met Layla.  No, I have never met her family or her friends.  But I feel deeply connected to her spirit.

Is it comforting to know that she is now, as her Mommy and Daddy wrote this afternoon, playing with the angels. 

You completed your job here on earth, little Layla.  Rest in peace.

Somer Thompson

Everyone here is talking about the horrific death of 7-year-old Somer Thompson.  She was walking home from school Monday afteroon when she vanished.  She was with her twin brother and her older sister.  Today, her body was found in a landfill.

Everyone here is talking about it because it happened HERE.  It happened 20 minutes away from where I live.

What do I do with this information?

Do I become an overprotective parent?  I mean, I already AM an overprotective parent.  I’m a helicopter. I hover.  I am constantly holding my kids’ hands and they know there is a “time out” in their future if they run away from me for a second when we are out in public. 

I guess I never really thought about someone taking them away from me.  Until now.

After Somer’s disappearance, my husband and I started researching GPS tracking devices for children.  There are a bunch on the market.  Most are expensive, but all of them do the job.  They let you monitor your kid’s EVERY MOVE.  Everywhere they go.  Has it come to this?

A woman called into my husband’s radio show this morning with an awesome point.  She said that you can’t sit and think about someone snatching your kid or something bad happening  to them ALL THE TIME.  That would drive us all crazy and create an awful environment of fear for our children.

While the local news was updating us about Somer’s body possibly being found in a landfill, I was on two scheduled preschool tours for Bean.  It was just weird timing.  I’m about to send my little boy out into the world without me.  I really like the school that has locked and coded entrances.

Then, last night I watched Oprah on TIVO and the show was about the happiest people on earth and where they live.  Oprah interviewed families in Copenhagen, Denmark.  One Copenhagen couple felt so happy and safe, they actually left their babies to nap unattended in their backyard. They said crimes, and especially sexual crimes and kidnapping, were basically nonexistent.   Should I move to Copenhagen?

No. I love my country and I would never want to live anywhere else.  But today, I did look over my shoulder a little more when I was out with my kids.  I did give them lots of extra kissies. I maybe hugged them a little longer. 

And I also said prayers for our new angel Somer and for her Mama who’s arms will always ache for the daughter she has just lost.