Holding On Tight

It’s been a weird couple of weeks in terms of my parenting. I’ve been having these two extremes.   I either lose it completely or I become submissive and give in.  I don’t know if it’s because of the kiddies’ ages right now or my tolerance level is just completely depleted or WHAT?

We have a really gorgeous Pottery Barn Kids kitchen set that we received from “Santa” last Christmas.  It’s really cool looking and it goes well with the rest of the living room and kitchen decor.  Maybe that sounds a little snotty, but I feel if I’m going to put a giant “toy” (basically) in my living space, it needs to be something I like.

The kiddies have been going crazy with that play kitchen lately.  Not pretend cooking and serving but THROWING EVERYTHING.  I don’t mind a mess when it’s associated with fun play, but it really bugs me when it’s just picking up a toy pan or plastic pea pod and chucking it across the floor.  Or banging silver pots and pans agains the wood kitchen until one of the handles actually flies off.

I found myself  SCREAMING (ugh, I know) at them to clean it up and then that changed into asking them, or rather PLEADING with them, to tell my WHY?!  WHY would you do this?!   WHY are you just throwing things?!  You have to just turn around and clean it right up and there is nothing fun about that, so WHY?  WHY?!!  And I just kept talking and yelling and then I had to leave the room because, well, I just didn’t know what to do with all that…yuck.

I always took pride in the fact that I was not a screaming parent.  We have discipline books we follow and methods that generally work.  So the fact that I screamed like that really eats away at me.  I apologized to them afterwards, but it feels like it’s too late to take it back.  I once read that when you scream at your child it takes a way a small piece of their childhood.  I don’t know who said that but, yeah, that stings.

Then there are the other times when I shut down or I bargain.  Today at our Christmas card photo shoot, Annabel had a break down.  And all I could do was sit there and offer to buy her a toy or ice cream or ANYTHING if she would just SIT STILL.  For ONE SECOND.  What do you want?!  I’ll buy you ANYTHING you want!  (Did I really say that?)  Well, it didn’t work and then I had no energy left.  My nerves were shot.  I ordered a Christmas card with the one salvageable photo in the bunch.  Actually that one salvageable photo was really great.  But I didn’t see the silver lining.  I just left feeling defeated.

It’s hard being a parent.  It’s really hard.  There is so much to juggle and organize and anticipate that sometimes I don’t feel prepared or emotionally equipped.  There are days I feel like I’m running around in circles and get nothing done besides sending the kids to time out and cleaning up messes.

But there is so much good.  SO much.  So much laughter. So much adventure.  So much fun.  SO much love.   I just hate that some days my frustration overshadows that.    Because I really do have two of the super coolest kids in the whole world.

This parenting thing.  It really is a roller coaster ride.

Bye Bye Baby?

Now that Annabel is almost 16 months old (!), I am hit with the reality that I no longer have a “baby” in the house.  Yes, she will always be MY baby, as will Daniel, but she’s now a full fledged half-walking (half-falling) toddler. Annabel completed our little family tree so there are NO MORE baby branches in our future.  I have my two amazing kiddies and I feel lucky and blessed everyday.  I feel complete. But I still think about all those LAST baby things.

There was the LAST box of cute newborn diapers.  The LAST time I would ever wear a maternity top or nursing tank.  The LAST baby bottle.  The LAST can of formula. The LAST sippie cup.  The LAST time we would have a Baby Einstein play mat or baby swing in the house.  The LAST time we would have a backwards facing car seat. 

But there are a few “baby” things I still can’t let go of and it’s not because I’m super sentimental.  It’s just that they still WORK for me.  For example, my daughter still sleeps in the SLEEP SACK. When she was a newborn, I would swaddle her in this amazing swaddle blanket.  Then she got so big so fast and outgrew the swaddling process. So I put her in the sleep sack and she loved it. She’s now in the “extra large” version and I’m sure she will outgrow that in a couple months.  My husband thinks I should get rid of it now, but she sleeps great in it. She sleeps for 2 hours at nap time and for 12 hours at night, so I’m basically not going to mess with it.

And then there’s this:

It’s “BABY” OATMEAL.  Daniel loves oatmeal and ate this everyday with bananas for breakfast when he was a baby.  Then he ate it when he was toddler and now he is almost three and STILL eats it. I just add milk and microwave for 30 seconds. I add bananas and lots of berries and it’s a perfect breakfast. The “baby” oatmeal is basically the same as any other instant oatmeal except it’s finely ground for babies.  I tried to give him the standard packets of instant oatmeal a couple of times and he did not want it. I am usually pretty strict when it comes to food options. I keep trying new things and my kids are AWESOME eaters because of it. They eat fish, chicken, beef, pasta, fruits, veggies, eggs, potatoes, all the basic adult foods.  But this was one battle I just didn’t want to fight.  Plus, when Annabel was born she started eating “baby” oatmeal too.  It just became easier for me to let them both eat the same oatmeal.  And they still eat it now.

Finally, there is Daniel’s CRIB.  Again, it’s not that I want him to sleep in a crib so I can remember the baby years.  He truly LOVES that crib and sleeps GREAT in it.  He was only 17 ½ months when Annabel was born so we had to have two cribs at the same time.  Since then, I’ve just been waiting for the day when Daniel would scale the bars and come running out.  He did that once, but never again.  So I decided to (again) go with what worked and not rock the boat (or bed) so to speak.  But he’s almost three and it needs to go.  We have been researching toddler beds and twin beds and need to make a decision soon. 

I think, as a parent, we all have that “crutch” or something you don’t want to give up JUST yet, even though parenting books, or parent peers, think you should.  I think it all boils down to the basic fact that every kid is different and every parent is different.  Do what works for you.

Speaking of growing up WAY too fast, my adorable niece and goddaughter Madelyn turns five today.  Happy 5^th Birthday Maddie!  You are a “sprite” – the perfect mix of spirit and light.  You have an infectious smile.  You constantly “wow” us with your smarts.  You are so fun to be around.  I miss you!

Things I Thought I Would Never Do…

We are going on a long road trip up north to see my family (and meet my brand new nephew and godson Baby Luke!) over Memorial Weekend.  And guess what we just bought?  One of these:

 

I always swore to myself that I would NOT buy a portable DVD player for the car.  I never had one when I was a little kid and we went on many long car trips.  My family traveled in the mini van from Maryland down to Disney World in Florida (TWICE!) and we played Bingo, the license plate game, read magazines, listened to the radio, ate, or slept.  Those were the options.  And we were FINE. So in my mind, my kids did not need DVDs in the car.

Well, I need to bite my tongue, or eat my words, however you say it.  Because “welcome to my car Mr. DVD player!  I can’t wait to fill you with a Sesame Street DVD and turn you on!   Woohoo!”

Well, here are just some of the other things I thought I would NEVER do when I had kids of my own (but of course now I do them):

• Let my kids play in that germ infested play area at the mall.
• Change my baby’s diaper on one of those germ infested changing stations in the mall restroom.
• Buy my kids a toy or snack as a “bribe” if they will let me finish shopping at the (grocery, Target, book, etc.) store.
• Fill all six slots of my car DVD player with children’s sing-along DVDs.
• Have toys in the living room that are too big for the storage ottoman so they just SIT there.  In Full View.  All. The. Time.
• Give my kids dessert every night of the week (we were only allowed to have dessert on the weekends when I was little.  Maybe that’s why I do this one).
• Take my kids to McDonald’s (I know. WHAT was I thinking?)

So this weekend “Buy a DVD player for the car” will be added to my list of “Things I thought I would never do.”  I’ll pop in that DVD right after we stop for lunch at McDonald’s.