As my daughter was climbing out of the car during morning drop-off yesterday, she turned back to me and said, “Mama, I can’t believe third grade is almost over. It went so fast! It feels like it just started!” And off she ran into the school after emotionally punching me in the gut. Good one, Annabel! Now I have to go to the gym and try not to tear up on the treadmill while your childhood is melting away!
I don’t want to be that dramatic, but the other day I was rocking out to my “I love the ’80s” CD in the mini van ( I still can’t do those mp3/iPhone hook-ups. Old School 4Ever.) and the song “If You Leave” comes on. You know, from The Breakfast Club?
“We’ve always had time on our side
But now it’s fading fast
Every second
Every moment
We’ve got to, we’ve gotta make it last.”
And I start crying. Semi bawling. I have to walk into Walgreens to get my kid a Flonase spray and I pretend it’s for me because my eyes are red and puffy and snot is coming from my nose. Why am I losing it lately?
I’m blaming my friends. My one friend has a daughter graduating from high school and my other friend had a baby girl two months ago. I am in an emotional overload sandwich over here. I’m constantly thinking about my babies leaving me for college or thinking about how they are not babies anymore and where are my babies and why are they leaving me?
I sometimes wish for the days when I had my babies at home with me. The long days when there was no school yet and it was just the three of us filling the day with puzzles and juice boxes and walks to the park. Can I tell you new moms out there a secret? You won’t remember the bad stuff. Those really crappy LONG DAYS that never end? You won’t remember them. The sleepless nights, the tantrums, the poop, the food messes. Nah, you won’t remember that stuff. I don’t even know if I could change a diaper anymore. But you will remember the good stuff. The chubby legs and the night snuggles. The Santa visits and all the family vacations.
Now I try to enjoy every little moment. I put down the camera and just watch. I jump in the pool instead of staying on the side. I play checkers on the floor instead of doing more laundry. I pay attention when they tell me all about the fourth book of Harry Potter. I run upstairs and kiss them goodnight, every night. Because the LONG DAYS?
I wish for them more than ever.