When I had my babies, my plan was to make them use their manners. Say please and thank you. Share. Don’t eat with your mouth full. You know, the basic stuff. That led to a discipline plan. I read tons of books about time-outs, counting to three, and sticking to a plan, even when the last thing you wanted to do was give your screaming child a time-out in the Target toy aisle.

Once my babies grew older, we entered the world of school and socialization. I started experiencing other kids whose parents maybe didn’t read from the same book of etiquette that I did. Kids were not disciplined. Kids were crazy. In fact, kids were MEAN. I realized at that moment that I needed to focus on raising KIND kids, not kids who simply knew how to raise their hand, lend a pencil, or clean up their desk at the end of class.

It’s a tough job to raise a kind child. It needed to be a priority in my parenting. It was a shift in focus. It needed to be up there with good grades and sports medals. I needed my kids to win first place in “kindness.”

My husband and I were already on the same page with discipline and that definitely helped. We had rules and the kids were expected to follow them. They knew not to talk back or be “sassy.” They learned to respect themselves and others. But the key ingredient was this: using the word “kind” to describe their behavior whenever we witnessed it:

“That was kind of you to sit next to the new girl on the playground.”

“That was so kind that you held the door open for Grandma.”

“That was really kind that you remembered your friend’s birthday and made her a card.”

They learned that kindness was just as important as getting a star on their spelling test. And now that we’re living in a world filled with cyber bullies, political mayhem, and extremism, I realize kindness is the most important life lesson I can teach my children. It’s something I consciously have to work on every single day. And I have to say, my two kids (now ages 9 and 11) are getting pretty good at it. Here are some of my tips on how to raise a kind kid:

Start now.
Whether your child is 3 or 13, it’s never too late to put kindness at the forefront. Start by using the word “kind” in place of “nice” to describe them or their friends. Stress the importance of being kind by starting a chore chart at home that helps out Mom and Dad. Have them write thank you notes whenever they receive a gift (one of my personal favs.) If you make kindness a part of their routine, it will start to become second nature.

Manners and discipline are the base.
It all starts at home with teaching your children good manners and discipline.Your children need to know you have high expectations of them and that they are more than capable of handling it. My kids know they have to respect the rules, respect others but, most importantly, they need to respect us, as their parents, and themselves. Once you have all this as their base, teaching them to be kind will fall into place.

You have to be kind too.
Even though it’s hard sometimes, you have to be the bigger person in front of your children. You need to show them what it’s like to be a kind, loving adult. Your children will mirror your speech and your actions. This means being respectful to wait staff, teachers, and other workers you come in contact with at home or when you are out. Even if the waiter messes up your order, you need to teach your children kindness by not overreacting and keeping your cool. You can even have a discussion with your kids about how everyone makes mistakes and we need to learn to put ourselves in other people’s shoes.

Open up their world whenever you can so they learn it’s not all about them.
For us, this involves travel and charity work. It also means reading books and watching documentaries about how other people live. They need to understand they are a part of a bigger world and being kind to others will carry them through life. Show them that everyone lives in different ways and looks different, but everyone should be treated with the same kindness and respect. Make an effort to expose your children to people who are different from them at a very young age (race, religion, special needs, etc.) so they are comfortable celebrating those differences and learning about others.

Put kindness at the forefront of every day.
We have a tradition at our dinner table where we ask the kids to tell us something they did each day that was kind or helpful. They love to share their stories and we praise them for their hard work. Kindness takes effort and the end results are worth it when you raise a kind, caring, compassionate citizen of the world. It’s not only worth it, it’s so incredibly important. Now more than ever.

Back in January, I was motivated.

I love a new year! It’s filled with hope and renewal and promise. I made a list of things I wanted to do and accomplish. Some of the goals were lofty (lose 15 pounds!) and some were even loftier (organize my entire house from top to bottom!)

Now that we are halfway through this year (Hello, JULY?!), things have changed. I need to adjust some of these resolutions. Why? I’m a MOM.

So here are my updated resolutions for the rest of 2017:

1. Lose Weight. Forget losing weight. I’m trying to not GAIN any more weight at this point. Curse you, holidays. And summer vacation. And weekends. And Tuesdays.

2. Organize My House. All that house organizing? My new goal is to move all the darn Lego bricks, golf balls, and scraps of craft paper from my floors before my family comes to visit next month. Oh, and wash the guest room bedding.

3. Read More. Does reading the “Reality Steve” Bachelorette spoilers count? No? Okay, then I’m changing this to “GET THE KIDS TO Read More” so I have time to watch The Bachelorette.

4. Stop Drinking Wine on Weekdays.  Hahahahahahaha.

5. Cut Down on Spending and Save More. This one might have worked if #4 had worked. Oh, well.

6. More Date Nights. My plan was for the hubby and I to have a date night every other weekend. It would be a time for the two of us to talk and bond. This has changed to picking a Netflix series we can watch in bed together while the kids are watching Disney Channel in the other room. We have to turn the volume down really low because of curse words and sex scenes. It’s super romantic.

7. Spend Quality Time with the Kids Separately. I simply need to add “running errands” into the middle of this one. I brought Daniel with me to gas up the mini van last week. Annabel and I ran to Walgreens to pick up more printer paper. Check and Check.

8. Cut Down on Caffeine. Hahahahahahahahaha.

Okay, Moms. What are some resolutions that you need to “adjust?” Comment below!

Then: My mom told me to go outside and find someone to play with.

Now: I text other moms to orchestrate weekly playdates which include detailed lunch plans and an activity or craft.

Then: I learned to swim with 20 other kids and one instructor at the local Y.

Now: I enroll my kids in one-on-one infant survival swim lessons when they’re nine months old.

Then: A cool treat was a five cent freeze pop that I opened with my teeth.

Now: A cool treat is a five dollar unicorn frappuccino from Starbucks.

Then: My day camp was a CAMP. We made necklaces out of sticks and collected rocks.

Now: Their day camp is an EXPERIENCE. They develop skill sets and complain if they spend too much time outdoors.

Then: My vacation was one week at the beach. The same beach. Every year.

Now: It takes six months of pre-planning to take my family on a summer adventure that is way too expensive and then I realize I should have just gone to the beach.

Then: Catching lightning bugs and placing them in a jelly jar was as “high tech” as I got.

Now: My kids spend hours mastering the next level of some new battle game on their iPad.

Then: I knew to come home from playing kick-the-can when the sun went down and the streets lights came on.

Now: Whose kids are wandering around outside at dusk??

Then: My bike was my freedom and my only mode of transportation during the day.

Now: I live in my car as I cart the kiddos to and from the aforementioned camps and playdates.

Then: The only summer television I watched was morning cartoons and Miami Vice on Friday nights.

Now: My kids have already “season passed” AGT, World of Dance, Big Brother, and everything on the Disney Channel.

Then: My mom wanted to protect our skin so she slathered us with the new Coppertone SPF 4. That lasted us all day.

Now: I cover my kids with SPF 50 every hour on the hour. Even on rainy days.

Happy Monday! And guess what? It’s MELANOMA MONDAY! Woot!

Okay. I know this is not a fun way to start your Monday. (Where’s my coffee? I need coffee.) But it’s important. Melanoma awareness is important. Skin cancer awareness is important. I feel this way because..

I HAD MELANOMA.

That’s right. So this is a subject that is near and dear to my heart. It’s something that has changed the way I take care of my skin and my husband’s skin and my children’s skin. I am THAT MOM. The mom who runs around and tackles my kids so I can apply sunscreen to every single inch of their body. I’m the mom yelling “Don’t forget your hat!!” as they head off to swim or play golf or walk to get the mail. I’m the mom who winces when I see another kid in the hot sun without a hat or sunscreen. I’m the mom who’s already taken both my kids to the dermatologist for a mole check.

My melanoma was from an irregularly shaped mole. I had the mole my entire life but it was on my back and I never paid that much attention to it. When I was 25 I developed a weird skin rash and went to a dermatologist for the very first time. My doctor decided to do a full body skin check since I’m very fair skinned and had never been to a dermatologist. She saw the mole on my back and immediately removed it. That didn’t phase me. I was glad to see it go. But then I got a call later that afternoon. You need to come back in. You have skin cancer.

I was floored. I had never heard of melanoma before. It is the deadliest form of skin cancer. But it’s also highly treatable if caught in time. I had to have surgery the next week. They were going to cut a tennis ball size circle around the mole to make sure any possible cancer cells would be removed. They had to clear the margins. They would take a thin layer of skin from my left thigh to cover the giant scar. So I’d have two large scars.

After the surgery they told me I was clear. Thank goodness. I could breathe again. I didn’t care about my scars. I didn’t want to have skin cancer anymore. I now have to get my eyes checked regularly. I had to get a lung scan (because melanoma can spread to the lungs or the eyes) and of course I get annual body scans. I’ve had every mole removed from my back and pretty much everywhere else on my body. I still get nervous every time I go to the dermatologist even thought it’s been 20 years since I had the melanoma. They tell me I can’t go into the sun without sunscreen.

So I’ll continue to be THAT MOM. I’ve been made fun of because my kids are wearing SPF-50 on a cloudy day. My kids have complained they are too greasy to play sports. A day at the beach does not happen without a tent or umbrella. I’ll constantly check my children’s moles and take them to the dermatologist once a year.

Please be aware of skin cancer. Go to the dermatologist and do a skin check. Have fun in the sun with your family, but just pile on that sunscreen! (My favorites are THIS ONE and THIS ONE.) For more information on melanoma and how you can #spotskincancer, visit HERE.