9/11

This is my post from last year on 9/11/09. 

I will never forget.

9/11/2001

I woke up, got ready for the day, and then drove to the Safeway grocery store around the corner from our condo to get an iced grande mocha.  They had a Starbucks kiosk inside the front entrance of the store.  I loved that.  I went there every morning to get my coffee and a newspaper.  I was still job hunting.  I moved to Maryland three months prior with my husband-to-be.  We were getting married in Charleston, SC in four days so I really had the job hunting thing on hold.  This morning I just wanted my mocha so I could hurry back to the condo and finish some last minute wedding phone calls.  I had to confirm my salon appointment.  I had to confirm our wedding day girls’ luncheon. I had to go over every single detail and checklist one more time.

When I was driving home with my mocha, I was listening to my husband on the radio.  He was the morning radio host for the local Top 40 radio station.  His morning show was always fun and upbeat but, all of a sudden, he started to sound really serious.  He said a plane had hit the World Trade Center.  Because my mind was in a million directions, I heard him say it, but it really didn’t register.  Then I heard him say, “I know we shouldn’t say this, but if you are near a television set please TURN IT ON.”  That registered.

I ran up the stairs to my living room and turned on The Today Show on NBC and sat and watched.  Then I turned on CNN. I watched it all unfold while I sat there alone with my white wedding binder sitting on the coffee table.  The second plane hit.  Then, a plane hit the Pentagon?  That was down the street from me.  Then, one in Pennsylvania?  What is going on? I just sat there in front of the television set. I didn’t move.  I couldn’t move.  I spoke to my husband on the phone a couple times.  He had decided to stay on the radio for the rest of the day so he could update his audience.  I also think that he wanted to help in some way.  I know I just felt helpless sitting there and watching it all on TV.

I called my parents and my sister and my brother.  Everyone was just in disbelief.

Then the towers fell.  I was on the phone with my Mom.  I will never forget it.

I still had to make my wedding phone calls.  I called the salon first.  I felt so weird confirming a hair and makeup appointment.  There was no answer.  Then I called the restaurant to confirm my girls’ lunch.  The man who answered the phone confirmed it and then we talked about how we could not believe what was happening.  We literally bonded over the phone.  We were two Americans worried about our country and that was the first moment I think I felt some anger.

I was angry because innocent people were dead.  I was angry because the joy I had inside me for my wedding day was gone.  The joy turned into confusion.  And the confusion turned into a million questions: Can this wedding still happen in four days?  Can we even fly there?  Do we drive now?  Would all guests still be able to come?  Do they even want to come now? Should we just stay home and cancel the whole thing?  What should we do??

Then, the anger turned into sadness.  I went to my parent’s house because I did not want to be alone.  Every news channel had a different story.  There was a preschool in one of the towers.  There were people that had jumped. There were family members with photos already searching for their loved ones.  It was heartbreaking and overwhelming.  I went home to be with my fiance.

I remember lying in bed that night and my head was spinning.  I remember hearing airplanes fly overhead all night long. We lived really close to downtown DC…to the White House. 

And THAT was the first time the anger and sadness turned into fear. 

Oh my god, I thought, we are at war.