When Queen turned 98 years old in May, Daniel asked me how long people live. Well, he really said, “Mama, what is the longest age?”
“Well, people can live to one hundred. Or even more than one hundred.”
“Will Queen live to one hundred?”
“She might, Daniel.”
“Then what she do? What happens after you live the longest age?”
“Then, you go and live in Heaven with God and Jesus.”
Luckily, the conversation stopped there. We were in the car driving to the store. He saw an 18 wheeler truck out his passenger window and that was enough to let his 4-year-old brain move on. I breathed a sigh of relief.
I texted my husband at work to tell him the conversation I just had with Bean. That was the first time we ever talked about death. And maybe I’m a little late. I know there are movies and books that talk about death or someone/something getting killed, but it’s always gone right over my kids’ heads. Or I zoom by it quickly. I don’t want to sugar coat life or anything. I just want the innocence to last as long as possible.
I don’t want them to watch Bambi yet, because I don’t want them to see a Mama getting killed. I always hold my breath a little at the beginning of Cinderella because I don’t want them to ask me what happened to Cinderella’s Mama. When there is a book that talks about death or dying, I admit that I sometimes skip that part. For now.
So when Queen passed away last week, I instantly felt the anxiety of what to tell the kids. This was the first time someone in their life has died. My sister had to talk to her children about their dog dying last year. It was tough. I was nervous about the big conversation.
Hubbie and I decided to wait until our beach vacation was over to tell the kids about Queen. He was going to the memorial service and funeral this weekend, so we knew we had to tell them by Friday evening. When we picked up our dog from GG’s house on Friday afternoon, GG told Hubbie to have a safe flight. We were in the car and we were 5 minutes from our driveway when Daniel said,
“Daddy, where are you going? Why did GG say to have a safe flight?”
“I’m going to see Pop Pop in North Carolina this weekend. Because I need to say goodbye to Queen. She is going to Heaven.”
There it was. Out in the open. My stomach knotted and I was waiting for the next question.
“Why she going to Heaven, Daddy? She’s not one hundred yet.”
“Sometimes you don’t have to be one hundred. Sometimes a little older and sometimes a little younger. But Queen was ready to go and live with God and Jesus in Heaven.”
“So you are going there to say ‘bye’ to Queen?”
“Yes.”
And that was it. Nothing at all from Annabel. And Daniel was done too. That was it. No sadness. No more questions. Until yesterday when we were all drawing pictures in the kitchen. Hubbie was already gone.
“Daddy is at Pop Pop’s house but Queen is already in Heaven, Mama?”
“Yes, Daniel. She’s there.”
“What is she going to do there? What’s in Heaven?”
“She’s going to live there forever and it’s the happiest, most beautiful place in the world. And she gets to live there with God and Jesus.”
“Will I go there too? I want to see God and Jesus.”
“Yes, we all get to go live there.”
“You and me and Daddy and Annabel? We all get to live there together?”
“Yes. That’s why we go to church and sing and pray to Jesus because we all are excited to live with Him in Heaven one day.”
“Okay.”
And he ran off. And somehow I realized that I never thought about it quite that way before. I never said those words out loud. And they sounded nice. They sounded real nice.
And not scary at all.
