Collide

When I had my children 18 months apart, I knew there would be days (weeks, months!) that would be tough. It’s inevitable when you have two little ones so close in age.  The first months were difficult because I had a brand new walker and a newborn.  Then, there was an awesome period when Daniel was 3 and Annabel was 2. They could finally play together and it felt like I had twins.  It still feels like that sometimes.

But now I’m going through another difficult period.  Daniel has reentered his school worry stage.  And Annabel has started an “I don’t like school anymore” phase.  And let me tell you…Whoa.  Just WHOA.  This morning was an example of the worst of it.

I put Daniel in ASC (After School Care) two days a week on the recommendation of his teacher.  Because Daniel is repeating his Pre- Kindergarten year, he is now one of the older children in his class.  There are a handful of 5-year-olds (like Daniel) and the rest are 4-year-olds.  The teacher is wonderful and has managed to teach to the different skill levels and needs of the kids.  Daniel is starting early reading while other children are in learning centers.   She works with him on his speech which is improving dramatically.  He is doing awesome. She also said we should start extending his day at least a couple times a week so he can start getting used to the longer hours when he starts Kindergarten in the fall.  Also, it would be great for him socially and I know he needs to continue to work that “muscle.”

Well, Daniel does not like change.  He’s very sensitive, like his Mama, and he gets a little nervous.  But he’s been doing the ASC for two weeks now and I thought it was finally just a part of  his new school routine.  No.  I basically have to prepare myself for a torturous morning of  anxiety each day he has ASC.  He over thinks it. He tries to be brave but his sad face makes me feel horrible, like I’m sending him off to some mean place. And it’s just a few extra hours of playtime and eating lunch with his friends.

Annabel might be feeding off Daniel, but she has begun her “I don’t like school anymore” phase.  After I drop Daniel off at his school, we have a 45 minute wait before Annabel goes to her preschool.  It used to be fine. We would pack her lunchbox and backpack, go for a walk, read some books, and then off we went.  She would smile and run into class.  She loved school. But the last two times have been a horrible watching-the-clock wait while she complains and whines about how much she doesn’t want to go. This morning I had to drop her off kicking and screaming.  It was awful. I know it’s another “phase,” but I wonder if something happened.  She won’t give me answers and her lovely teacher says she is a joy.  But the same thing happened with her dance class.  She no longer goes to dance because after three weeks of sitting and crying on the sidelines, it just wasn’t worth it.  I’m not going to force her to do a 30 minute dance class that she is supposed to love!  I was super disappointed because she was my little ballerina girl.  But I’ve moved on.  I didn’t want to make a big deal about it because she’s allowed to change her mind.  She’s allowed to CHANGE.  But she was always my “easy” one.  She was the one who ran in and didn’t look back.  Well, the universe is laughing at me now. Big time.

I’m emotionally exhausted. It’s just hard that these two challenging milestone moments are happening at the exact same time.  You’d think they planned it. Hmmm…anything’s possible with these two.