I was watching Oprah’s Next Chapter a couple of weeks ago and motivational speaker Tony Robbins was the guest. Oprah sat through one of his amazing 12-hour conferences and highlighted some of her favorite “a-ha” moments. One of them was when Tony said this: “See things as they are, not WORSE than they are.” He was talking about business leaders and how the most successful leaders had that vision – to see things as they were, in that moment, and not worse.
I apply rules like this to my own life as leader of my household. As a wife and a mother. And this rule struck me because I do that. I see things worse than they are.
I literally visualize my child falling and cracking their head open when I see them run around the corner. (In my defense, that happened.) Annabel just had an amazing 4th birthday party and in the planning process I just kept thinking of the worst case scenarios: What if it rains? What if the caterer can’t find the place?
But isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? I’m supposed to cover all the bases. That’s my job. And because I do that, everything was fine. I had a back up plan for the pony rides if it was wet. I made sure the caterer had a map and my cell phone number.
I like to think that my kids don’t hurt themselves because I yell a warning, or cover them with protective pads, or say “No” if they want to do something I deem unsafe.
I was watching Cougar Town the other day (one of my favorite shows!) and Laurie (played by the awesome Busy Philipps) was talking to Jules (played by the also awesome Courteney Cox) about raising children. She said, “You can do everything in your power to keep your kids safe, but once they leave, and are out of your sight, you never REALLY know what’s going on, do you?”
No. No, you don’t. And I kinda like it that way.
Can you imagine the torture of having a camera on your kid while they were in school or at a friend’s house? And you could watch them all the time? I wouldn’t do anything else! It’s like those daycare centers that have web cams. How do working parents get any work done? I would wonder, “Why are they alone in that corner playing by themselves? Why are they not raising their hand? Why didn’t they eat their fruit before the cookie?” Daniel came home one day with a big bump on his head because he fell while climbing some monkey bars. The teacher didn’t see it happen. I got most of the story from him, but I won’t ever REALLY know what happened. And that’s probably for the best.
We put my dog in a kennel that had one of those web cameras and we noticed he wasn’t eating his food because the food bowl was on a grate. We felt awful watching him creep toward the bowl and then cower away in fear. We called up the place and told them to move the bowl, which they did, and then he ate and all was fine. But then we kept watching. And watching. And watching.
I went to Annabel’s preschool one day around 10:00 AM because I knew that’s when she had outdoor play. I drove up and parked in the far corner where she couldn’t see me. It was exhilarating and nerve racking to watch her run around the playground. She looked happy. I think she was happy. She went down the slide. She talked to a friend. She ran in some circles and then I left. I couldn’t take it. It was so strange to watch her in an environment where she was just another student. I don’t know why but she just seemed…different.
I know it’s not healthy to be a helicopter parent. To always hover and worry. I just ordered the new “it” parenting book from Amazon, Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers The Wisdom of French Parenting. It supposedly talks about how the French moms are more relaxed and don’t look at their children as the center of their world. They don’t over schedule their children, but let them play. They teach them manners and how they must taste everything on their plate. They don’t run every time their kid cries. It basically sounds like French women don’t WORRY.
Maybe I should move to Paris.
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