Other People’s Kids (And Clifford the Big Red Diva)

When I was married and the thought of kids was still in the distant future, I would gaze quizzically at families when we were out at the shopping mall, grocery store or having dinner at a restaurant.  Sometimes I would think, “Aw, that family is really cute.”  But most times I would think,  “Why can’t those parents stop their kid from screaming or acting crazy or crying or WHINING??”  I didn’t walk in parent shoes back then, so I would be so annoyed and often (stupidly) think “Man, I would NEVER let MY kid act like THAT in public.”

Well, then I had kids and two things happened.  First, my Mommy sympathy gene appeared and I am no longer annoyed if other people’s kids are screaming or acting up.  I actually feel bad for them because being a parent is hard.

But another thing happened.  I realized that there are still some things that you CAN control. You can discipline your child and teach them manners. It’s a lot of work and stress, but you can do it.   But some parents just DON’T.

I’ve already mentioned my non-judging rule.  It’s hard to do, but I try REALLY, REALLY hard not to judge other moms.   I don’t know their circumstances and they don’t know mine, so it’s best to leave it at that.

This wasn’t a problem when both of my children were babies.  But now I have a toddler boy who is months away from turning three.  He is at an age where he likes to interact and play with other kids.  Most of the time it is in a completely organized and controlled environment like a Gymboree class.  But there are times when we are out and I have to deal with other people’s kids, whether I like it or not.

One example is the train table at our local Barnes & Noble bookstore.  Bean really enjoys playing with the trains there and I have taught him to share with the other little boys or girls who also come over to play.  He gets a lot of  sharing practice at home with his little sister.  It was hard at first, but now he is definitely understanding that he can’t yank something out of someone’s hand or bop them on the head.

But what am I supposed to do when some other kid behaves badly?  On Friday morning, we were at the bookstore to meet Clifford the Big Red Dog** and Bean went to the train table.  A couple of little boys had grabbed up all the trains and were playing in one corner of the table by themselves.  Bean went over and tried to grab a train.  I told him to wait and please ask the boy for “one train PLEASE.”  Well, Bean asked and reached out for the train at the same time.  Those two little boys stopped and yelled “NO” in unison.  They shoved by Bean and kept playing.  The worst part?  Their moms said nothing.  Bean didn’t get upset.  He just looked at me and I said, “Let’s just go.”  He was fine with that because we went to get a chocolate milk. (Hey, I never said “bribe” wasn’t part of learning.)

On Saturday morning, we all went to the mall where we stopped to play in that germ-filled center court playzone.  My husband watched Bean while I played with Annabel.  There were a bunch of older kids running around as well.  Bean went to climb into the passenger seat of a play car.  A little girl was already in the driver’s seat.  When Bean hiked his leg over to get in, she said “NO!” and wouldn’t let him play.  Later, he went back to climb onto the car and some little boys actually SHOVED him off and said “NO!”  My husband stopped, and yelled at the boys, “Hey! No pushing! Do not push people.” It’s awful to have to discipline other people’s kids, but it’s even worse when their parents sit and watch you do it and do NOTHING.

This happens more than I like.  I don’t want my son to be pushed around and not stand up for himself, but I desperately want him to respect others and have manners.  It’s an interesting learning process with a boy versus a girl.  I feel like we should be teaching Daniel to defend himself a little more because he is a boy.  It’s not right, but I can’t help but to think that way.  It also makes me realize that we won’t always be there to protect him.  That’s really hard.

**So, Clifford the Big Red Dog was a Big Red Diva!  We had been counting down the days to his Big appearance at the book store.  We arrived and were told to sit and wait.  Thirty minutes later, he was finally escorted out from the back by a handler and walked up to a mini stage.  We were allowed to take photos of him for five minutes. 

Photos OF him. Not photos WITH him. 

They said “No, Sorry” to personal photos because there was no time.  It was hilarious.  Who knew Clifford was such an A-Lister? Plus, I can download a photo of Clifford the Big Red Dog in two seconds from any website.  I don’t need a photo of him.  I want my kids to meet him so I can get a photo of that.  After five minutes, the handler told us to clear a path and stay to the side because Clifford was leaving.  Well, as Clifford walked by us, Bean ran up and gave him a high five!  And I got a photo!

I was so proud of my little boy. He didn’t follow the rules. Sometimes, there are exceptions 🙂